U know how much parents desire for their kids?

ALOT..

and sometimes, the kids just don't understand why the parents are so hard on them?

simple..
Results matters...

Parents use results as a measure of how well/hardworking their kids have been..

if the kids don't do well, it's an assumption that the kid just plays too much..
that the kid has been involved in too many other things and thus loses focus on studies..

I guess the child has already been so demoralised by herself from her results already, that she just can't be bothered about how her parents react..

It's not that the child didn't want to get that kind of results.. but what can she do now?
She promised herself to work harder already, and she longs to please her parents.. because that's all her parents see.. RESULTS..

"I'm very disappointed in you. You are not going to church anymore. You are not going out anymore."

Do you know how hurtful and scary that can be to her?

~Pearl

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Battles you can't hear...
Battles you can't see....
Battles you can't imagine...

They are all around you..
They depend on your prayer...

and what have i been doing?

It just comes to a point whereby i don't know where to turn to now.. perhaps it's a crossroad.. or maybe not.. Things and decisions thrusted into my face, demanding my immediate attentions.. living everyday as though it's a monotonous routine..

I'm fustrated...
I'm desperate for revival...
I'm thristing...

But i've done nothing to change it...

It is lack of determination? or is it lost of hope? or APATHY.. stubborness within me..

God, i want to be completely honest with You... I know somehow, somewhere, something is wrong within my heart.. how can i be so passionate one second, and the next being so worldly? i feel like a liar, a hypocrite.. i don't want just to have head knowledge.. I want You..

You.. more than anything...
You.. more than my studies..
You.. more than my heart..
You.. more than my dreams..
You.. more than my desires..
You.. more than my life..

Lord, i remember Your words.. when i'm weak, You're strong.. I'm small, but You are big.. I'm sorry God, for not living the life You wanted me to live.. for wasting precious time away.. for not being discerning.. for getting into troubles that even now i do not know how to face..

But, let me be like Lucy... always believing, no matter what she sees with her eyes.. because she believe with her heart.. Father, i believe in my heart... You'll pick me up from this fall.. and lead me to the way of righteousness..

Hebrews 12:11 says "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

I admit i have a doubtful heart..
Doubtful of all my decisions..
Thinking am i following my will or God's will..
But i believe God is real..

He changed my life..
He gave me things i never thought i would receive in this life..
He led me through each new and exciting day...

I'm thankful i'm alive..
I'm thankful i've come to know my Father in Heaven

thank You...

Pearl~

11:12 PM

Sunday, June 14, 2009

I was watching Goong again.. and i thought more about how "CaiJing" actually made the decision to marry the prince.. it is rationale? or is it forced? will there be a better way of solving her family's financial crisis?

I mean, off course in the show if she doesn't agree to marry the prince, then there won't be a show in the first place. but come to think about it.. isn't it the same for some people? it's only when they're totally crushed or in a totally hopeless situation, that they decided to follow or get back to God.

Let me clear this up first.. there is never a hopeless situation, there is only people who have grown hopeless about them. What appears as an unsolvable problem to us is actually a rather exhilarating challenge.. this is taken from the book "wisdom for the way" by Charles R. Swindoll..

In any case.. what is in the minds of those who turned back to God then? did they hope that God will lift them up from their difficulties immediately? i admit i myself fall into this catergory too.. i wanted God to just zap all the problems that i face all away.. but ultimately, i came to a realisation that God won't zap them all away.. He'll never spoon feed us.. He'll guide me, it's only whether i want to follow His way, or my way... whether i truly trust Him in faith, believing that God is in control... or because of all my uncertainy that i choose to go my way, because it's more realistic...

God works in unexpected ways... remember that..

1:29 AM

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

my exams are OVER!

but someone's haven yet!

& thats PEARLIE!!!

Juz wanna say JIAYOU!

conquer ur exams!

LOL

but dun forget a special day coming...

in 14 more days!

super excited!

=D

9:45 PM

Leading...

it took on a roll i guess... even after sec 4.. it's weird though, i was reading Dr Tim Elmore book on self-leadership which Eunice told Elissa and I to read before June ends.. It struck me.. HARD.. as though telling me to "WAKE UP!!! STOP YOUR CHILDISH THOUGHTS!"

Oversized Gift.. perhaps positions have gotten over my head.. perhaps God is teaching me what it really means to lead others, because staying too high a position has endangered my character. It led me to be too focus on the "gift" rather than myself.. and when it falls.. i fall.. up till now i haven't gotten back the courage to stand up from my defeat..

Perhaps that's why i was so reluctant to lead, afraid of myself, afraid of what would happen.. it affected both myself and my walk with God.. thinking that now im in a totally new environment in SAJC, that i can leave it all behind.. i guess not. I brought it along with me because i couldn't get over it.. it keeps coming back.. hindering me..

but.. reading Dr Tim Elmore's book woke me up.. it's like a hit on my head..

God, Father.. You knew all along, even from the beginning of school, what was the problem. You knew that i couldn't let go of what happened in the past.. and i guess You knew that i would only learn my lesson when i'm utterly defeated. Thank You Lord, for waking me up once more. To know that I can be what Your word says I can be, filtering my mind and heart with only what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. At the same time, teach me humility.. that i do not go over my head... Amen..

Pearl~

9:29 PM

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Im suppose to be doing my PI.. but just some food for the thought..

i just saw the last episode of "太极".. ending has WuMa (main actor) and SangQing (main actress) going separate ways.. normally one would criticize that the ending should be a happy one and that WuMa and SangQing should live happily together.

Does love mean always being together?
Can love still exist between two who are so far apart?

just some food for the thought... =) Made me think much deeper into what's the meaning of love, between 2 people..

sometimes love can be a temptation...

Pearl~

9:29 PM

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

i'm in the mood for another post..

i guess, these few days are just tiring...

temptations for using the computer for other uses other than school work is high..
temptations to not do homework or tutorials or studying is high...
temptations to fall asleep while praying is high...

what's happening, someone might ask..
what's going on...
why's is it like that..

Never did like the stressful days anymore.. but with time so free, wasting it away is just pure dumb on my part. i guess discipline is needed.. an area i need to concentrate on improving..

no more two-faced please..
be pure in heart and speech...

Father, You know my desires. Yet You also know my needs. Above everything else, i want to follow Your calling. Help me stay vigilant and strong, no matter the failures. i know You are still in control. I cast aside all negative thoughts and feelings, because that's not what You would want me to have.. You are already healing my wound, thank you for Your word during live concert.. thank You..

~Pearl

9:18 PM